1. Discipline with Love, Not Anger
If we correct our kids in frustration, we’re teaching them to obey out of fear instead of love. Take a breath. Take a break. Pray before responding. Let correction come from a place of teaching instead of punishing.
Try saying:
• “I know you’re struggling with listening right now, but my job is to help you grow in obedience. Let’s talk about how we can fix this.”
• “I love you too much to let disrespect stay in your heart. Here’s what’s going to happen…”
2. Connect Before You Correct
Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. If all our kids hear is what they’re doing wrong, they’ll start to believe that’s all we see in them.
Before jumping to consequences, choose connection. Let them know you see their heart.
Try saying:
• “I know that wasn’t your best choice, but I also know you want to do what’s right.”
• “I see that you’re frustrated, but hitting isn’t how we handle our emotions. Let’s talk about a better way.”
When they know they are loved even in correction, they’ll be more willing to listen and grow.
3. Use Consequences That Teach, Not Just Punish
Natural consequences are one of the best teachers. Instead of only taking something away to make them “pay” for their mistake, choose consequences that help them learn and grow.
• Instead of: “You hit your sister, so no TV for a week.”
• Try: “You hurt your sister, so you need to find a way to make it right. Let’s come up with a way to show her kindness.”
• Instead of: “You didn’t clean your room, so you’re grounded.”
• Try: “Since you didn’t take care of your space, you need to take extra responsibility and clean another area too.”
This shifts the focus from shame to growth.
Discipline That Leads to Discipleship
At the end of the day, our goal isn’t just to fix behavior. It’s to shape their heart.
We’re not just raising kids who follow rules. We’re raising kids who follow Jesus. And that means discipline should look a lot more like discipleship.
So the next time your child messes up, ask yourself, “Am I punishing them, or am I disciplining them in a way that points them to Jesus?”
Because correction done in love doesn’t push kids away. It pulls them in.
And when they know that even in their worst moments, they are loved, guided, and seen, that’s what will stick with them for life.
Unshakable kids. 