Our job as parents isn’t to fix our kids. That can be hard to accept. Because when they’re struggling, we want to make it better. When they’re confused, we want to give them the answer. When they’re hurting, we want to remove the pain. When they’re wrestling with God, Scripture, friendships, identity, disappointment, or decisions, we want to step in and solve it.
But parenting isn’t about controlling the outcome. It’s about leading and loving them through the process. Sometimes our kids need answers, correction, and wisdom. And sometimes they simply need a parent willing to sit beside them while they wrestle.
Wrestling Isn’t Always a Bad Thing
We’ve somehow become afraid of struggle. Especially spiritual struggle. When our kids start asking difficult questions about God we can panic. “Why didn’t God answer my prayer?”
“Why would God allow that?”
“How do I know God is speaking to me?”
“What if I don’t understand this part of the Bible?”
“What if I’m angry with God?”
Those questions don’t scare God. Jacob wrestled with God in Genesis 32. He walked away with a limp but he also walked away changed.
Sometimes wrestling leaves a mark. And sometimes the very thing we’re trying to rescue our kids from is the place where God is forming something deep inside of them. Don’t rush every wrestle.
Our Job Isn’t to Fix Them
This is where we have to examine our parenting. Sometimes what we call helping is actually controlling. We want them to think what we think. Respond how we would respond. Make the decision we would make. Believe because we told them to believe. And when they don’t, we become anxious.
But our kids aren’t projects to complete. They’re people to disciple. There’s a huge difference.
Discipleship doesn’t mean we stop parenting. It doesn’t mean truth becomes optional. It doesn’t mean we sit silently while our children walk toward something destructive. We speak, correct, establish boundaries, teach Scripture, and lead.
But we don’t try to become the Holy Spirit in their lives. Our job isn’t to control every outcome. Our job is to faithfully point them toward Jesus.
Help Them Discern the Voice of God
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is teaching them how to recognize God’s voice. Jesus said, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27
Notice the goal. Not just knowing Mom’s voice. Not just knowing Dad’s convictions. Not just knowing what the pastor says. Knowing His voice. So when your child is wrestling, don’t always rush to tell them what to do. One of the best things we can do is ask questions.
“What do you think Jesus is saying?”
“Does that line up with Scripture?”
“What does God’s Word say about this?”
“Have you prayed about it?”
“Do you have peace about that?”
Then help them discern. Because not every thought is God’s voice. Not every feeling is God’s direction. Not every desire is His will.
That’s why our kids need Scripture. The Holy Spirit will never contradict the Word of God. We aren’t teaching our kids to blindly follow feelings. We’re teaching them to recognize the voice of God through relationship with Him, grounded in the truth of His Word.
Speak Truth Without Trying to Control the Outcome
Parents, your kids need your voice. They need you to tell them the truth. There will be moments when your child is believing something that isn’t true.
So it’s our responsibility to speak truth. There will be moments when their emotions are louder than what God says. And again we must speak truth. There will be moments when culture is discipling them in a direction opposite of Scripture. Once again, speak truth. Love doesn’t stay silent. But there’s a difference between speaking truth and controlling the response.
We can give our children truth. We cannot force truth to take root in their hearts. Only God can do that.
Paul said, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.” – 1 Corinthians 3:6
Parents we are to plant, water, pray, disciple, correct, and encourage. But remember who produces the growth. Only God does.
Make Your Home a Safe Place to Wrestle
I want my kids to know they can bring the hard stuff home. The doubts, the questions, the mistakes, the confusion, and the disappointment. Even the things they think I won’t want to hear.
Because if our children believe they have to hide their wrestling from us, we haven’t stopped the wrestling. We’ve just removed ourselves from the conversation.
I don’t want my kids pretending around me because I want relationship. I want them to know they can tell me anything, they can ask me, they can disagree with me, and they can tell me they’re struggling.
And I’m still going to love them. That doesn’t mean I’ll always agree. It doesn’t mean I won’t correct them. It doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences. But it means they won’t have to wrestle alone. That’s the kind of home I want to build.
Teach Them How to Find Jesus
There comes a point when borrowed faith isn’t enough. Our children can’t live forever on our encounters with God. They can’t survive on our prayer life. They need their own.
Deuteronomy 6 tells parents to diligently teach God’s words to their children and to talk about them at home, on the road, when lying down, and when getting up.
That’s discipleship. Not just giving answers. Opening Scripture together. Praying together. Living it in front of them. And then creating room for them to respond to God themselves. Because eventually they’ll face something when we’re not in the room. I want something deeper inside of them like, “Jesus, what are You saying?”
Final Thoughts
Parents, our goal isn’t to raise kids who never wrestle. It’s to raise kids who know where to go when they do. Kids who open their Bible, pray, and recognize the Holy Spirit’s voice. Kids who know they can come home and talk. Kids who have parents willing to speak truth without trying to control every outcome.
Our job is to lead them, love them, disciple them, and continually point them toward Jesus. There will be moments when you want to remove the struggle. Don’t rush it. Sit with them.
When that day comes, our greatest parenting win won’t be that they know how to follow our voice. It will be that we’ve helped them learn to recognize His.
Unshakable kids. 