We’ve all heard about secondhand smoke and how the choices of one person can harm the health of those around them. But what about secondhand screentime? What about the moments our kids watch us scroll instead of engage? What about the quiet message we send every time our eyes are glued to a screen instead of their faces?

We set screen limits for our kids, but do we set them for ourselves?

They Will Do What They See

Our kids are watching us. More than our words. They will follow our example. They see us reach for our phones first thing in the morning. They notice when we’re distracted while they’re talking. They feel when they have to compete with a screen for our attention.

And here’s the hard truth: they will grow up and do the same.

We don’t have to hand them a phone for them to inherit our habits. We model what “normal” looks like. If we want them to value real connection, deep conversation, and presence, we have to show them how.

The Silent Message We Send

Every time we check out of a conversation to check in on a notification, we’re sending a message: this is more important than you.

That’s not what we mean to say, but it’s what they feel.

Philippians 2:4 reminds us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” 

Our kids are our most important “others.” And when they see us choosing screens over real moments, they learn to do the same.

What if, years from now, they barely look up from their own screens. Not because of social media, but because that’s what we showed them?

It’s Not Too Late to Change the Story

The good news? We can break the cycle. Put the phone down first. Let them see you choose them over a screen. Create screen-free moments. Dinner, family time, car rides, and bedtime are times where they have your undivided attention. Teach them what matters most. Show them by example that people deserve our focus.

Our kids will become what we model. Let’s make sure we’re showing them a life of presence, not just convenience. Because one day, they won’t remember what we were scrolling.

They’ll remember whether or not we looked up.